Stud Finder

Another AI creation found in the public domain on-line, another writing exercise. In college, I studied the ancient Greeks. I believe it was Aristotle who said in “Poetics” that the protagonist must be likeable. Of course, in our modern era, we have the anti-hero. I wanted to create a character who was flawless on the outside, but limited to the point of obnoxious inside.

Sorority sisters gave me a nickname, Stud Finder. It’s actually a contraption carpenters use to find where the stud wall is located behind the dry wall, for the purpose of hanging heavy pictures from hooks secured in the two-by-four stud. My “sisters” coined it because of my knack for finding eligible hunks to date in college. In retrospect, I was a fool. I should have concentrated on dating geeks who knew technology or economics, a Bill Gates or Steve Wozniak-type. They would have been better providers than the guys I hooked-up with, but hindsight is a bitch.

But look at me, for God’s sake! Don’t I deserve somebody equally gorgeous? I have the most perfect, pendulous tits, I keep my pubes shaved smooth, my pussy douched, my anus waxed and bleached. They say that beauty is defined my symmetry of features, and mine are mirror-image identical. My farts don’t stink.

Admit it, you like to see me paired-up with some equally beautiful specimen, near-perfection incarnate. You fantasize about what Greek god-like offspring we’d create. Who would you rather see fuck, a mismatched pair like, say, Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller, or the coupling of pretty people, like Daniel Craig and Rachel Weiss?

But, back on point (and I do have one), having big tits can be a curse. Men truly do have a trigger, some physical feature that sets them off. There are breast men, butt men, leg men, foot fetishists, and pussy men. I have something to say about each.

I’ll address the last one first. There aren’t as many pussy men as those in the other categories. Do you know the true story about Napolean approaching home after a long campaign, wiring to his wife, Josephine, saying, “Don’t bathe!” That sums up pussy men. They love the smell and taste of vagina, and like cheese, the smellier, the better. Enough said.

I had a girlfriend with spectacular long legs. I mean legs that stopped people, men and women alike, dead in their tracks just to watch this woman walk. She attracted men who fetishized this feature. She told me that she went through a lot of stockings because men kept cumming all over them.

Foot fetishists are a different breed. I had another close friend who discovered that she could monetize her cute toes and high arch, so catered to these men. She told me a story that epitomizes this category. A guy she was seeing came over one night with a paper-bag full of live snails, which he handed to her. She asked if he wanted her to sauté them for dinner. He responded that he wanted her to put on her highest stiletto heels and step-on all the snails, to crush them underfoot. He masturbated to the sights and sounds, as she crunched them into paste. One hundred percent true; you can’t make up stuff like that! I asked her what she charged that guy; she said she didn’t even bring up price, but that he paid her a thousand dollars in cash (in another brown paper bag) when he left.

I get men who are attracted to big boobies. These guys just want to suck my nipples, “motorboat” them, or put their cocks between my cleavage and fuck me there, to the exclusion of more responsive places. They are momma’s boys, fixated on their actual mommies, never matured past the oral stage. No thank you!

I don’t get as many butt men approaching me, but if this attached photo showed my backside, you’d wonder (as I do) why not. I have as shapely an ass as I have knockers, and my ass is an erogenous zone. I’ll cop to the fact that I never matured past the anal stage. I love for men to focus on it, or if that makes him squeamish, on my cheekiness, be that with pinches, kisses, French kisses, spanks, etc…

So, women can be cruel; I don’t deserve the moniker of Stud Finder. And men can be crazed maniacs. It’s amazing to me that our species hasn’t died-out already!